Dear Universe?

What are you? Are you even there? Are you for me or against me?

When I am in the fullness of what it is to hold consciousness within being in this body, this body now - I lose all sight and sense of you. And if you 'dear universe' have my best interests at heart why is it you abandoned me when I was little? When this beautiful body was radiant with love and life, with pink flushed cheeks and light filled eyes and was asked to witness the darkest aspects of human pain. The ripples and roots of which present themselves to me on waking into every morning.

Dear universe, I don’t get relief from these shadows even when I sleep. There they are in my dreamscape working hard for recognition relief expression. Seeking liberation so that I can breathe right into the essence of who I am and who I was before all the pain this soul experienced in this human expression of a body. Waking already exhausted.

If all the goodbyes in my life were you 'clearing the way' for me to arrive, removing obstacles that were blocking my light - I must accept the painful path that is mine. But oh why does it have to be like this? I know that what I express here is wrapped in the mysteries and things that we cannot fully see.

But once in a while, can you give me a sign that you are holding my hand?

And now, through my willingness to be in this present presence with you, I see that you held my hand when I witnessed so much trauma because you activated the only tool available in the human body and psyche and that is our capacity to 'hide' parts of ourselves for a while. The most precious parts of ourselves, our vast healing light. You held my hand whilst I tucked them away. You felt so sorry for me this beautiful tender soul that has been so shaken. You saw my beauty and you held my hand while I protected it.

The time is now though, time to gracefully open the door to these preciously protected pieces of me. I fear their power, the power of Clare's soul. How would it have been if they had been harnessed, distilled and refined with the support of my Elders from the moment I came out of the womb?

As they begin to call me I ask that you hold my hand over and over until every door is opened. I want to fulfill my contract to arrive here in my fullness. A birthing process. When I do this without urgency and demand I can lay down a reassuring path for others, as my teachers do for me.

And as I connect with you now Universe, through the pain of all of it, you show me that I am the Universe and you are me.

Re-member-ing in love, Clare

Rabbit & Bear by Tara Shannon (read by me)


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