I wish someone had told me:
You will feel life deeply, it will blow right through you and you will still have to stand upright
You will feel the pain of all living beings, their suffering will impact you body and soul, it will be unbearable and yet you will have to bear it
You will speak up about that, you will risk everything, and you will be shunned and silenced time and again, and made out to be stupid for your way of seeing because people won't want to be reminded that all of life is interconnected
You will long for closure, it won't ever ever come, it will be a gnawing hunger until you die
You will hunger for deep and lasting love in your close relationships - but because of the culture you are born into, the forgetting that has taken place among humans, you will never be able to reside in that embrace
You will witness terrible violence with your beautiful young eyes, it will rip your body and soul apart as if death repeatedly visits you, and it's unlikely you will recover your beauty fully after that or become who you have the potential to be because of it
People will fear you because you can see what's alive for them and it will scare them stupid and they won't want to be near because it's too painful for them
There is no belonging for you in this life, it is long gone and resting with your ancestors
The only 'holding basket' for the fullness of what you feel, the richness of it, will be one that you will weave yourself, and you will weave it out of the pain
But remember this one gift that you are so close to, closer than any other type of human, and that is soul aliveness. The soul in the trees, in the animals, in the grass, in the wind, in the river, in the sky, in the rain. These are your natural and true companions and they hope that in this one precious life you have now that you will reclaim them. We know that you long to ease pain and suffering on the earth - that is why you are here - and this medicine will be yours to offer outwards from that loving source of this interconnectedness.
"Clare, we love you, we are so proud of you, how through all this pain you have not forgotten who you are, how you are made and how all beings need you. We know that this time, this century offers nothing outwardly of what would support your deep spirit. We see that you still say yes to it all the same, and you are leaving trails of your nourishing essence that feeds others - most especially your family of origin. We know it doesn't feel like much, we know you feel desperately alone, we are sorry that we as a tribe are not there to surround you with blankets and fire and a welcome for you under the stars, exactly as you are. To raise you on high for the guide that you are, that would lead whole nations towards peace. We know you are not seen and that your gifts have been repeatedly shunned. You have chosen to be on the earth at a time when nothing of who you are is what is sought. But there is a change coming and you are supporting that awakening. You are needed and we have your back. We love you. Please don't forget us. We are the reason you are still standing. Lean in.
14th August 2021